shuga34: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] shuga34 at 08:13am on 23/09/2008
So, question to the Universe and my Flist.....

Did you ever just want to quit and felt so guilty about quitting that you can't?

I'm talking about my church. A little backstory....

In March, 2006 I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church. It was wonderful at first. I made friends, discovered my spiritual path (Paganism) and all of a sudden had stuff to do.

Now, two and half years later, I'm leading 2 committee, helping with Sunday School and I'm on a third committee which handles asking people for pledges (and let me tell you how much I HATE being on that committee!!).

I am about to go bat-shit crazy. The stress of it all is making me angry and bitchy. And when I get bitchy, I get snappy. And I have a tendency to snap at those that I love. So, I've been snapping at friends recently. I'm really disliking what's happening to me.

Part of my stress is discovering a side to a friend that previously was hidden. I consider this person a very close friend. But, lately, it seems that all she can do is tell me what I'm doing wrong. And get angry at me because I'm not taking her advice. See, I always thought advice was something that you can take or leave. I guess we have different dictionary's because it seems that her definition of 'advice' is, "I will give you advice and you will do as I say or I will be angry at you." Moreover, her daughter is my daughter's best friend. It makes it just that much harder.

So, why do I stay?

Well, #1 is that my daughter loves that church and it would crush her if we left. Face it, we both fit in there.

#2 - Guilt. I can't be like past members who have said, "I quit" and with that declaration, dump resposibility on others shoulders (guess who's picked up a lot of the slack......)

#3 - There are some really GREAT people there and if I quit and alienate everyone, then I would miss them terribly.

I know when January come things will be better, but that mean another 3 months of stress and anger. I've already been dealing with stress and anger since July and frankly, I just don't want another 3 months of it.

I just want to quit.

I either need to do just that and face losing all the friends that I've made -OR- find some measure of peace that will get me thru this. I have no idea how to do that though...

Thanks for listening.

And, yes Katy, feel free to call me and talk me down from the rafters.

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